Success!!! Now Hopefully it Stays.

   I went to the doctor's office to get a blood pregnancy test done today. It came back positive with HCG levels of 80, and progesterone levels of 30. I'll go in on Friday to retest to make sure that the HCG levels are rising and that I'm not going to miscarry. Today would have been the first day of my period, and it has yet to peek it's ugly head out. It can just stay away for the next 9 months. I'm very excited, but still nervous that I'll lose it. Both my mom and husband have told me that things will be just fine. I'll just have to trust that.

Possible BFP!

   I've been hesitating to update this, as I don't want to get my hopes up too much. I think I might actually be pregnant though. Last week I had taken a pregnancy test to see if the trigger shot was out of my system or not. The pregnancy test came out negative. That was expected, as it wasn't long enough after the IUI to come up positive for pregnancy. I was happy to know that the Ovidrel was out of my system though, because this meant that if I got a positive after that, it would be an actual positive and not a false one. I also tested the next day just to be certain. That test also came up negative. Ok, now I was sure that the Ovidrel was out of my system.

   Fast forward to yesterday, May 12th. I had the IUI done of May 2nd. Yesterday put me 10 days past the IUI, so I expected it to still be too early to test. Then the notification popped up on my phone that my period should start in two days. I wasn't sure if between the Clomid and the Ovidrel that possibly my cycle would be a little different, but usually two days prior to starting my cycle I'll have light spotting. This hadn't occurred as of yet, so I decided to try taking a pregnancy test. I know they tell us not to test before the two week wait is up, but my curiosity got the better of me. I'm used to getting negative results on pregnancy tests, so it was too much to hope for, but sure enough the test came up with a faint positive. I couldn't believe it. To be sure I went and got a digital pregnancy test to ensure that I wasn't just seeing an evaporation line. The digital one came up with positive results as well. I was so excited! I told my hubby when he got home, and he was elated as well. I called the doctor's office this morning and they set up a blood test for tomorrow morning.

  The only reason I don't want to get my hopes up is the fact that a lot of eggs end up fertilized and began implanting and then are washed away with the next cycle. I really hope this one is the one that works and that in a day or two my body won't end up getting rid of it. It might sound sad, but I even went up to the spare room and started imagining how it would look as the new baby room! I told the hubby that I wanted to do a robots, pirates, and princesses theme. He looked at me like I was crazy, but he laughed anyways. I still think it's a cool idea.

  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Second Two Week Wait

  I haven't updated much due to being so busy with school and work, but the first procedure turned out to be a dud. I got the second procedure done last Friday, so I'm now on day 6 of the second two week wait. I'm really hoping this one will be the one to work. Last time I only had one mature follicle. This time I had three. After they complete the procedure, I'm told to lay on the table with my knees up for about 15 minutes. I couldn't help but give both the eggs and the sperm a pep talk. This all seems so strange still.

  I started watching Baby Mama yesterday. That film with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. I only got about halfway through because I needed to start making dinner, but I couldn't help but think, "What if my uterus is the wrong shape?!" I know, it's silly. I'm actually glad that I have finals next week. It helps me keep my mind busy. I guess the only bad part is that I'm actually worried that I may actually fail my Precalc final. I've never failed a final exam before. Eeek! This will be a study study study weekend.

Crowdfunding

So the hubby and I had this crazy idea to try a strange crowdfunding idea. We want to try to get our house paid off. If the fundraiser works, then we'll donate our mortgage payment to a charity for three years. It's out there, I'll admit. But it would be so awesome if it worked. I don't want to be in debt until I'm an old lady! Well, it's worth a try.

http://www.gofundme.com/8sdrms?preview=1

Aggravating 2 Week Wait

    With all the testing I've been through lately, I should have enough proof that I am perfectly capable of getting pregnant and having a baby. However, I've only gotten to see a positive pregnancy test once in my life. Two days after seeing that positive, I had a miscarriage that was completely heartbreaking. People tell you that it just meant that something was wrong with the baby. People will tell you how common it is and that you shouldn't worry. The thing is, when someone has a miscarriage, hearing that stuff doesn't make them feel better. It makes them wonder what is wrong with them. Every commercial that comes on TV about babies or families just drives the stake a little further into the heart. Every time a family member or friend announces a pregnancy or posts baby pictures makes the longing in the soul turn from a soft whine to a heart rending howl of anguish.

     I'm three days shy of being able to do a pregnancy test and I feel all sorts of anxiety about it. I can't help but wonder if I'll be one of those who ever gets to see a positive on a pregnancy test. Will I ever get to be a mother, or will I be forever left feeling empty about that part of my life? My husband doesn't want me to worry, and says that I should just not stress about it. That's his answer to everything, and he's usually correct. So I'll just attempt to take his advice for now and deal with what comes along the best I can.

IUI.

Today I underwent my first IUI. It went much easier than expected. After the HSG I was wondering if the rest of the process would be as painful. I felt a little crampy during the procedure, but nothing more than I would with an annual woman's appointment. I have had some severe cramping in the hours following though. I looked through some IUI info pages and found that this was pretty normal. One thing that I noticed in a lot of the fertility forums is people saying that cramping means good things after an IUI. The logical part of me wants to say that this is probably just a normal biological reaction to the process. I could be wrong though. I really hope we get a first time go with this one.

Eureka! We Found the One.

   I got the results back from the doctor for all the tests, and now I just have to wait to go to the follow-up appointment this next week. The hubby and I had decided originally to use Cryogenic Laboratories, which is a sister to the Fairfax Cryobank. We used the photo matching service to find a donor that looks similar to the hubby, and I have to say I'm slightly disappointed. They ended up finding all of or matches through Fairfax Cryobank which seems to charge about $100-$200 more per vial than the Cryogenic Laboratories. On the plus side, there was a donor there that both the hubby and I really liked, so we've decided to go with him. The only downside is that he's an anonymous donor.

  I've been doing a little bit of research on this, and I was really hoping to use an open ID donor so that when our hopefully soon-to-be child is 18 they could contact the donor if they really wanted to. I've read so many horror stories from "cryokids" of anonymous donors. So many of them seem to just hate life in general and seem to be really angry about their parents choosing to use an anonymous donor. Of course, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I'm sure that there are plenty of stories out there where the kids are well adjusted and are perfectly happy. I'm also sure that those wouldn't catch as much attention as the angry and dramatic ones. I know that even if our child is well-adjusted and happy, part of them will probably always be a little curious about their other biological half. I suppose at that point if they wish to find their biological other half, then we can help them to do that. We just won't know what kind of person our kid will be. Perhaps a person can never fully appreciate the decision to use a sperm or egg donor until they are in a position where they want to be a parent and can't due to one thing or another. 

   In the meantime, I have my plate quite full. I'm getting everything ready to go to a University next fall, trying to keep my grades up in my current classes so I can get my associates degree at the end of this semester, working part time in a increasingly drama filled workplace, taking care of a house and dogs full time, two wonderful step daughters part time, and just trying to enjoy life a little in between.